Love of my life


Love of my life, don’t leave me

You’ve taken my heart, you now desert me?

Love of my life, can’t you see

Bring it back, bring it back, don’t take it away from me

Because you don’t know

What it means to me.

You will remember when this has blown over

And everything’s just by the way

When we grow older, I will be there by your side to remind you

how I still love you, I still love you.

Hurry back, hurry back,

Please bring it back home to me

Because you don’t know

What it means to me.

Love of my life

Love of my life





I want to lay you down on a bed of roses

For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails

I want t be just as close as

The Holy Ghost is

And lay you down

on a bed of roses.


Iain and I communicated in music.  Every second thing we observed turned into a song lyric.  The kids even made fun of it:  “There’s a song for everything”.

On Thursday evening we had a friend over.  She also loves Sting, as we do, and she played us “Shape of my Heart” (one of my favourites), on a vid.  Iain sang along loudly:  “That’s not the shape of my liver!”

I will in time post recordings of his Irish band.  They were amazing; they were starting to sound really super, I hid in the bedroom and listened to them on Wednesday evenings.  They had a gig lined up for this coming weekend and a gig for the fourth of Feb.  I still have to let the host of that second one know.

“The River In The Pines” I could never sing without bursting into tears.  We sat on a high cliff overlooking Ballito Bay with our guitars that time, and I played him that song and I couldn’t finish without crying.  We sat and listened to the wind make a harpish kind of sound on our guitars.

I wrote him a song when we were young, about a dream I had, that outlined the path of our lives.  Around fifty-ish, the dream predicted me ripping him out of death’s clutches after some terrible event.  I ran with him the rest of the way, holding tightly onto his hand.  And together we stood on the black pebble beach of Death.

He is here with me.  I cannot leave yet,  I still have to make sure my children are safe.

I am sorry. This is deeply personal, but I’m sharing it here with you, my community, because we never had a big wedding with all our friends, where we could let everyone know beyond doubt that nothing life threw at us could separate us, and that Death could not part us.  He is keeping close.  He was never shy to declare our love for each other to the world (and to me!).

I’m also sharing it with you because some of you knew Iain and certainly all of you knew about him. Here’s a thing:  Everybody loved Iain.  He was that kind of person.  It is cutting me to shreds that I have to call and message all the people who were so fond of him, and tell them the world has been robbed of one of its brightest shining love lights.  He had tons of friends, when he walked into a room the atmosphere lightened up.  You could hear his laugh around the block, he had this amazing, booming voice of an operatic tenor.  One of the reasons I put comedy into the stories we were writing together was so that I could hear him laugh like that.  We wrote together:  I made up the story, read it back to him and he laughed and commented, and most of his comments ended up in the story as well.  Sometimes we thought of the same comment at the same time, word by word, and blurted it out together and cracked ourselves about not only the comment but how much we were in sync.

I’ll be posting the story of our wedding at some point, and the story of our first and second and third camping trips, and our Ballito gig and our Sabie gig, and many many more.  I was always so scared of putting personal stories on my blog for fear that someone on the internet would do whatnot to us…  the attack came from an entirely different angle, and I don’t want to talk about that now.  I will at one time blog about the night my forever-love was taken from us.  But he is here now and he doesn’t want me to be cold and miserable, he wants me to feel warm and loved and to know he’s keeping his promise and not leaving me.  I sense his spirit so close by…  Iain I love you endlessly, and I don’t care if the whole world thinks it’s clicheed.

I’m wearing his favourite pullover. It’s summer here yet I feel I’ll never be warm again – except while I wear this.

And if I love you a little more than  I should…

please forgive me, I don’t know what to do

please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you

Don’t deny me this pain I’m going through,

please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you…

And as for this country, that killed the best there ever was just for his skin colour and his belongings:

Give, give me the good news

War is the one game which we all lose,

Give me the good news!

If I accept the word forever

maybe we could live together

and not be scared to watch the late night news

(I never watched the news – I got the most important updates from friends and family.  Anyway we don’t get news here, only ANC propaganda.)

I can’t blog about this now.  Only about my love for this wonderful man, and how beautiful his eyes were even as he passed away in my arms.

I’m sorry peeps, if I won’t come and reply to comments yet.  I can feel your love and support and am very very appreciative, but every bit of socializing is an ordeal for me right now, and there are so many people who loved him whose hearts I still have to shred with the message of his passing.  I cry for them too because they also lost someone irreplaceable, and I feel so very privileged that I was allowed to own this shining light for twenty-six years, and have three beautiful kids who have 50% his genes and have all of his awesomeness.  He was so proud of them!  More on that later, too.


Iain performing with Earth Angel Natalie, who has the same kind of shining light for an aura, on the night before her wedding, 2011, Durban.


R.I.P my forever love


Iain was killed in a house attack.  He died defending his family, chasing 3 armed thugs with bulletproof vests out of our house and garden.

I cannot talk about it.  It feels as though my life is over. But I promised to take good care of the children and raise them well and be strong.

:’-(  We did everything together.  I have been cut in half.

I will be online some time this week, but I’m inundated with calls (everybody loved Iain), so please be patient if I don’t answer right away or only message.  To write about it is easier for me than to talk about it.







Baseless Fears

😀 The incorrigible & inimitable…

Colonialist's Blog

I haven’t written any fiction for a while, and thought I’d better get back in practice so that I can do another novel. Here is a fairy story in the meantime; get a drink and a comfortable chair …

wp_20170117_11_14_57_pro A portrait of Fairy Funnie upon arrival ahead of herself.

A Fairy Funnie Story Indeed

My new go-fast magic works too well, Fairy Funnie said to Sconnie Bunny.

How can it work too well? Sconnie asked.

I get home ahead of myself, Funnie said with a shudder.

Sconnie kicked an ear and looked puzzled. Whats so bad about that?

I have nothing to sit on! Funnie wailed.

Why not? Surely the chair is there?

Yes, but my bottom isnt!

© January 2017 Colonialist

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Calling All Indie Artists!

Wonderful opportunity for Indies. Thank you, RebirthofLisa

Rebirth of Lisa

Calling All Indie Artists!

I have decided to start a new feature on my blog called ‘Indie Shine’. This will begin in February 2017!

The purpose is to shine a spotlight on individual indie artists. It doesn’t matter what your chosen field is as long as you are indie and an artist.

I have received responses so get yours in today. Space is limited, as this is only a monthly feature.

Go to & complete contact me form. I will respond with detailed information and a questionnaire. Once I receive the completed questionnaire, I will let you know when your feature will post.

#indieartist #bloggers

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Saturday Story Post

Just because yesterday’s story was pretty much a fizzle:  As a consolation prize here is a scene from “Valleylon”.

Valleylon is an alien world peopled by humanoids (in fact quite humanoid), of seven planets circling a binary star.  Six of the seven are inhabited by “Vaughhi”, the humanoids whereas the closest to the suns is considered “unhabitable” – a home to dense jungle and wild animals, with temperatures comparing to Earth’s tropics.

More to the point, the Vaughhi have been interfering with humankind for ages, unseen and unheard, by way of abducting humans from Earth and relocating them to Valleylon.  (“Valleylon” is a Vaughhi word and essentially means “home”.  They have been space raiders for  a long time.)  But this time, the Vaughhi are at loggerheads with each other – and their renegade Crown Prince has just set out on his own agenda, defying the governing powers-that-be of the warlord who is currently running the place in the place of a High King.



Princess Arlesienne pulled the hood down lower over her forehead. If any of the servants recognized her now… She waited in the shadows until the guards were distracted with shift change, then crept past the heavily guarded outer gates and hid in the shadows again.

Through the muddy roads outside the moat she sneaked, narrowly side-stepping one of the moat-gators that snapped at her ankles. They had these in large, on Planet Earth, so she had heard.

Valleylon’s darkness was not enough. Vaughhi had highly developed night vision, having evolved on planets that were in a permanent state of at least semi-dark. For the sake of too many Vaughhi having mixed blood by now – it was not traceable how long humans had been bred to this ancient race – the towns had added lights. But from her brother’s reports, the light on Earth had to be absolutely phenomenal.

He had told her in high excitement about his “find”, that day; the two young Founders, on their way into the Deep Void, whom he’d been able to stop in time and bring back. They had escaped from the clutches of the Great Vaughn; their captain had claimed them back before Galamer could go through with his own daring plan to return them to Earth. This had resulted in Galamer’s bottomless admiration for that man who had gone through space with the pitifully limited means of Earth, for weeks, to retrieve his Founders. Galamer had been most surprised to see how short he was; but it had sparked only greater hero worship.

It was easy to be big and strong and a hero, he’d explained to her. But to be small and scrawny, and pathetic-looking and yet a hero, that was amazing. It indicated a spirit far greater than in a larger man.

She didn’t necessarily agree with all her little brother’s warblings; but she knew he’d gone back to Earth to launch himself into the war zone there and shoot down Earth’s enemies, so he could prove himself in battle and be worthy of serving that Keeper character. Serving! It had strained her thinking. He was the son of the Hero King, and of the High Queen of Valleylon. The Crown Prince, the next ruler in whose hands Valleylon would remain for, if all went well, ten thousand years. He had to bow down to nobody!

She had received word that he was comfortably serving on the ship of Earth’s Planetary Ruler, at this point. And she wanted to call him back. It didn’t behove a High King in waiting to serve!

But nobody backed her in this. Galamer, who but for his unique character would have been the most spoilt brat on all seven worlds, did what he liked. Nobody interfered with him. So it was up to her personally to fetch him back; and to get past these forsaken guards, because as much as she was the daughter of the Queen, she had nothing to say.

She was at the harbour now. She found an unattended space shuttle, boarded and took off.

The harbour guards wanted her to identify the vessel; she gave the Royal codes, and they presumed she were her brother, and let her pass. Arlesienne vaulted through the portal.






Friday Story Post – Speed

Welcome to the first Friday story post of 2017!  🙂

(Forget about being “real” – people all have real lives, you come here to read the stories.)

So what are the story post options?

Federi vs Radomir Lascek:  I’m currently working on “Valleylon”, which is in the series following the Solar Wind series.  I could randomly post a scene from Valleylon, but I haven’t yet worked on it enough to have worthy scenes.

Friday Fairy Tale:  My daughter and I figured out together that there are certain elements missing; that Valentine loses his lovability (which he must not); that Connor mutates from a hero to a tragic hero (which is gagworthy); that there is no way Nadisda on her own can crack that high-security prison with her magic; that the magical world hasn’t been given enough spotlight, and that Faff still has a very important role to play.  With all these issues, I need to work on the story before posting more.  My ‘umble apologies.

Vampolf:  Yes, I’ll post more but not tonight.  😉  Nadia’s a handful, isn’t she?

Southern Free:  Young Shadow is stuck in Durban completing a mission.  He’s not answering his phone.

Vanya the Terrib:  Later!  It needs to be wholesale edited first.

Interstellar Retake:  Taking shape but I need to work on how Tris is going to get herself and Michelin to the Amazon forest.

Which one am I working on right now:  Valleylon.  We need to get the series sorted.

Here is, so long, another w-i-p.

(Re the language:  The language in this post is not exactly PG 18, more like PG 13, but I apologize anyway – it’s genre.)




The siren howled behind Austin. That blue light was gaining on him. He’d accelerated rather than slowed down when the short man had waved at him, trying to pull him over. It had been instinctive. Time was critical; he couldn’t be late right now, and this forsaken traffic officer wanted to cost him time.

Just to prove a point, he pushed a bit more speed out of his Jaguar before slowing down after all with a sigh, resigning himself to get this over with.

The bike pulled up next to him and indicated that he should pull to the shoulder of the road. He complied with a frown. Lady Luck was not on his side today! He steered the car to the side and stopped. The traffic officer parked the bike in front of his car so that he couldn’t get away, and walked up to his window, taking off the helmet. With a shake of her head, she fluffed out masses of blonde curls, flicking them back out of her face with impatience.

Austin gaped. “You’re a girl!”

The next moment he knew that this had been a mistake. He could see how she blew herself up to twice her size and balled her fists.

“Sir! You broke the speed limit.”

“I know,” he interrupted. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was in a –”

“Hurry, I know. They all say that. It will take the whole damned office to put it back together!”

“I know, ma’am, and I’m really sorry… what?”

“What are you going to do about it, sir?”

He stared at the diminutive traffic officer with her shockingly blonde hair, framing her head in a cloud against the lights of her motorbike. She was clearly trying to look tough. And failing. She was simply too pretty.

“Begging yours – about what?

“The speed limit. You broke it!”


“We’ll have to get a new one now,” she snapped at him. “These speed limits are bloody expensive to replace, I hope you realize this!”

Austin gaped at her. Was she actually fooling around?

He didn’t have time to waste!  “Look, lady, just write me a ticket and get it over with,” he prompted. “I have a very important appointment…”

“Oh, really?” she drawled, her tongue-in-cheek show of anger morphing into genuine annoyance. “Oh, of course! That’s right! You rich buggers in your fancy cars are always on some or other really important mission. Far more important than any of us worthless little people. So important that you feel you’re above the law and you can just go any speed you like.” She had her hands on her hips, her eyes measuring him up and clearly dealing him a failing grade. “And when you cause an accident, you just buy your way out of the consequences. If you drive over a kid on a bicycle, all you do is throw money at the situation and you’re free.” She stabbed at him with her index finger. “You know what? Stephen King’s ‘Thinner’ was written about rich bastards like you.”

Austin squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He hadn’t read ‘Thinner’, but it had just been added to his reading list. On the other end of this journey sat a girl he was going to propose to, tonight: A lovely, high-class lady who was going to grace his home among crystal and velvet. But she was already waiting for the past twenty minutes, and he’d stood her up before, due to no fault of his own. He had to get through this, fast. This female cop with an attitude against money… wait!

“Lady, please. Let me go,” he pressed. He dug in his pocket and extracted his wallet, opened it and started counting out notes. “How much is the fine going to be?”

Her jaw dropped in shock. “Are you attempting to bribe me?”

“No, I just want to be on my way. I’m late.”

“That’s it,” she said. “Attempted bribes are illegal. I’m afraid you’ll be coming with me.” She beckoned him to follow her, and got back on her bike, howling her siren once just for effect. And she led the way, doing a u-turn and waiting for him across the road.

Austin saw his chance. He turned the ignition, revved the engine, and put down his foot. The Jaguar sped away, as smoothly as its animal namesake. He saw how the traffic cop absolutely lost it in anger, in the rear-view mirror. She pushed her way back into the traffic with her siren howling, ready to speed after him.

There was the minibus. A gut-wrenching thump; all Austin saw was the motorcycle describing a curve through the air.

He pulled over on the shoulder of the road once more, his hands trembling in shock. That young woman had to be dead on impact! And he had caused it! What now?


Image of road by night:

By Tony Hisgett from Birmingham, UK – M5 nightUploaded by tm, CC BY 2.0,


More stories here on Smashwords:


(Shortstories.  And they are free.)

Air on G-string Knot Right

Have a look hair…
all up in the air
Knot the way
to play!
This G-string needs air replacement!

(and dashed if I could find a rhyme to “replacement”!) 😀

Colonialist's Blog

Oh, woe is me,
t get me started

Today my G
String went and parted.

What then hung out
Was truly shocking
It waved about
Inviting mocking.

Twas all forlorn,
And long and stringy;
So badly worn,
That sorry thingy!

But solution
There was one plotted

To get it knotted.


Tuned up tightly
The G it sounded;
Touch knot lightly

A note well-rounded.

Past the tying
Notes were as normal,
All from trying
A fix informal!


© January 2017 Colonialist

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#Authors: Get Real on #SocialMedia and Readers Will Respond #ASMSG #IARTG

Thank you Princess of the Light for this fantastic heads-up for authors, and thank you both Kate McLelland and Colleen Chesebro for reposting so I could find it! These are wonderful instructions for a shy author.

POTL: All Things Books, Reading and Publishing

hexagon-1743514_1280“Marketing is first and foremost about connecting.” – Wendy Paine Miller

Today’s publishing market requires authors to wear several hats, one of them being marketer. For many authors, they haven’t a clue what to do or how to get the word out about their book(s). I see it all the time on Twitter, Google+, Facebook, LinkedIn; authors posting about their books in an unending stream of impersonal tweets and posts.


I shake my head because these authors miss the whole point. Social media is at its core, social. It’s a powerful marketing tool, if you know how to use it. Let me give you an example:

Back in 2012, I wrote my debut novel, Princess of the Light. When the time came to edit and publish it, I started chatting with some of my Twitter followers about it. Nothing…

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“Raider” (Solar Wind 4) gets a gorgeous review by Silver Threading

Silver Threading’s Colleen Chesebro has reviewed “Raider” – the fourth in the Solar Wind canon, and says she loved it.

This wonderful reviewer has in fact just published her own debut novel, “The Swamp Fairy”.  I was privileged that she allowed me a sneak peek beforehand.  It is a lovely book.  Here is more about “The Swamp Fairy”:

Here’s the link to the review for “Raider”:

“Raider” Review on Silver Threading

and on Amazon:


The book is also available as a Smashwords ebook, at this link:

Enjoy!  🙂





Are we insane?

What kind of world do we live in, are we buying this B*S*?  Sugar is a poison but marijuana is good for you and must be legalized.

1. Marijuana and how it affects you

Here is a link to the side effects of marijuana (so happily pooh-poohed and made out as “brainwashing” by dope users) :

Short-term & long-term side effects of marijuana

I found the above link nice and clear, but here are two more that confirm the contents of the first:

So there you have 3 different sources:  A medical site (“evil establishment”), a government site (more “evil establishment”) and a holistic site (“cuckoos”).  It would be telling if the holistic site opposed what the other two sites say, but surprisingly it doesn’t.  It says almost exactly the same (with slight variations).

  • Short-term memory loss (who needs that?)
  • Long-term memory loss
  • Paranoia (and I have seen this in people who use dope, it is creepy)
  • Nervousness, irritability, insomnia  (The exact opposite of what people are trying to achieve, i.e. to “chill out”)
  • Lowering of IQ!!
  • … and may other effects, go ahead, follow the links.

Most significantly, what I have observed in people I met who use dope (and who all swear that is all they are using, nothing harder), is the following:

A nearly brain-dead lack of motivation, and a feeling of mild to severe depression (that spreads to every person in the room).

In every case I met personally (and one meets them, and now that hemp is legalized, you’ll meet many more of them), the motivation to improve ailing financial circumstances or in fact think positively about the future, was gone.  In every case, people turned to drifting from day to day without much of a plan, allowing their job / friends / relationships to pull them onward through life.  Over time, job, friends and relationships were lost but the general attitude was that it didn’t matter anyway.  Just have another joint and all will be fine.

That attitude ruins lives – and I’ve seen it develop with each and every marijuana user I’ve ever encountered.

Just to clarify my stance on the medicinal use of cannabis:

I’m all for using more natural means to cure cancer, and if marijuana really does this, let’s have the extracts and infiltrate them directly into the cancer.  But using cannabis just to “forget the pain of life” is a sad misconception, as cannabis use actually creates a lot of “pain of life”.

Energy vampirism

Some people are not all that aware of the energetic exchanges between people.  People give each other energy when they interact socially; or they take it from each other.  Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling buoyed-up and excited?  Conversely, have you left a conversation feeling dull and tired?  This is your best indicator that you’ve been vampirized.  You have been sucked dry of your joy for life.

Cannabis users vampirize others without even realizing it.  You come away there feeling, well, that chat was fun (er…sort-of), let’s not do it again.  Feeling blue and out of sorts and not being able to pinpoint why. Best remedy:  Get around positive people who are not users.  (Funny how the word “user” starts amplifying its meanings.)

Are we imagining these energy exchanges?  Only if life energy is entirely an imaginary concept.  If neurons don’t use electricity to conduct impulses, and if ATP isn’t used in cells to fuel every reaction by donating an electron.  Thank you.

The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us!


Now, as for sugar being “poison”.

Sugar (and starch) is the basis of the insulin-based energy-generating pathway.

Here’s a diagram to refresh your high-school knowledge:


To explain:

ATP is the basic energy carrier that fuels all biological reactions (even in microbes).  In “fermentors”, which live exclusively without using oxygen in their metabolism (some bacteria and fungi), the energy output from each glucose molecule that is chemically digested like that, is only 2 ATP.

By the way all organisms can “ferment”, which is a much older energy pathway and dates back to before cyanobacter decided to pollute Earth’s atmosphere with oxygen.  So yes, your muscles can perform alcoholic fermentation – it happens when during strenuous exercise, the oxygen levels can’t keep up with the demand of the muscle cells.  The Krebs cycle cannot function without oxygen, so the cell switches to alcoholic fermentation, and the lack of enough ATP registers as fatigue, which forces you to take a break.  Also, the end products of alcoholic fermentation, instead of H2O and CO2, are alcohol and lactic acid, which then need to be broken down further and removed by the body, which you register as that classic muscle ache that carries on sometimes for days after strenuous exercise.  So as you see, you’d prefer your body to use the high-energy, oxygen-bound Krebs cycle.

The Krebs cycle starts with pyruvate, which is a break-down product of glucose.  Fructose and galactose can also break down to pyruvate, which is why they too work as energy sources.  When your body doesn’t get enough glucose through diet, it uses its glycogen stores (glycogen is a kind of animal starch, stored in the muscle cells).  Glycogen readily breaks down to glucose, but those stores are not overly large, they are mostly only there to stabilize blood glucose levels (without which you become comatose).

Glucose can be synthesized by all sorts of molecules. The process is called “gluconeogenesis”.


The animal body (and the human body) actually goes to the trouble of creating glucose from whatever it has in stock, so it can keep fuelling the Krebs cycle. Glucose is the most accessible basic food unit for the human body. Banting?  You’re eating loads of fat, right?  Well, that breaks down to tryglycerides (fatty acids), which then… see above diagram!  South Beach Diet?  You’re taking in lots of protein, which gets broken into amino acids, and…  see above!

If the body goes to all that effort to actually create glucose (split infinitive used for emphasis here), how dull must a person think we are, trying to palm off glucose as a “poison”?  …???


So on that note, happy new year once more and don’t be bull-spat.