A group I was included in (*thank you xxx*) posted something to the tune of, we can’t always see where the road leads, but we can trust that God has something better in store for us.
I can’t agree with this. Experience does not corroborate this.
Instead, I’d put it this way.
We sure can’t always see where the road leads.
That doesn’t mean something good is in store. Not at all. It only means that the Universe is sending us stuff our soul needs for growth.
Accepting this can bring peace. It does not take care of the pain, but it can bring peace. Some peace. A little piece of peace.
Remember this post?
Life is not a competition.
I remember writing this post in anger, because someone who is dear to me started getting jealous of us having moved into the Haunted House. Really? Over a house? I remember seeing this landscape, this barren landscape of heavy boulders, and us making our path through the boulders without really knowing if we were making any progress and whether the boulders would ever stop. Financial rocks are not to be spat at, they are boulders. To battle through a financially rocky landscape with small and growing children is no joke. I only hope our children learned toughness and resilience from that; because these are indeed life lessons one can gain from financial challenges.
But what are they learning from losing their father?
Do they realize that half the time I am going to pieces it is because of them, my poor kids, having been robbed of their Daddy? How does one fix that? There is no fixing that! How can I make it easier for them to carry? I sense him close, folding his huge golden wings around me, saying “shht, be calm, I am here!”, the way he always used to comfort me whenever anything in our life went haywire. But – can they sense him too?
I don’t even know what soul lesson one is supposed to learn from one’s loved one dying.
So – acceptance that there is indeed some sort of growth involved even if we have no clue what it’s supposed to be – that’s the only bit of peace to be gained here.
And the fact that he was allowed to die like a hero, standing and fighting. It could have been worse for him, too.
I will speak out here.