Blooming stormy today

A group I was included in (*thank you xxx*) posted something to the tune of, we can’t always see where the road leads, but we can trust that God has something better in store for us.

I can’t agree with this.  Experience does not corroborate this.

Instead, I’d put it this way.

We sure can’t always see where the road leads.

That doesn’t mean something good is in store.  Not at all.  It only means that the Universe is sending us stuff our soul needs for growth.

Accepting this can bring peace.  It does not take care of the pain, but it can bring peace.  Some peace.  A little piece of peace.

Remember this post?

Life is not a competition.

I remember writing this post in anger, because someone who is dear to me started getting jealous of us having moved into the Haunted House.  Really?  Over a house?  I remember seeing this landscape, this barren landscape of heavy boulders, and us making our path through the boulders without really knowing if we were making any progress and whether the boulders would ever stop.  Financial rocks are not to be spat at, they are boulders.  To battle through a financially rocky landscape with small and growing children is no joke.  I only hope our children learned toughness and resilience from that; because these are indeed life lessons one can gain from financial challenges.

But what are they learning from losing their father?

Do they realize that half the time I am going to pieces it is because of them, my poor kids, having been robbed of their Daddy?  How does one fix that?  There is no fixing that!  How can I make it easier for them to carry?  I sense him close, folding his huge golden wings around me, saying “shht, be calm, I am here!”, the way he always used to comfort me whenever anything in our life went haywire.  But – can they sense him too?

I don’t even know what soul lesson one is supposed to learn from one’s loved one dying.

So – acceptance that there is indeed some sort of growth involved even if we have no clue what it’s supposed to be – that’s the only bit of peace to be gained here.

And the fact that he was allowed to die like a hero, standing and fighting.  It could have been worse for him, too.

I will speak out here.



10 thoughts on “Blooming stormy today

  1. The better the parent has been as a parent, the more the loss. This we have found with the younger grandkids losing their father so prematurely. It is still keenly felt by both.
    Trust in better? No, I agree with you. No guarantee at all. What is worth clinging to is the evidence in everything, on micro and macro levels, that progress is continually being striven for. This speaks of a plan and an objective at all these levels.

    • I still can’t get over how suddenly Trevor went! Col, I am beginning to wonder if there isn’t a new form of cancer out there – one that completely overthrows every theory they’ve been trying to work on. It’s not right. :’-(

      As for the divine plan… I don’t know, I feel a bit like the steel wool with which the oven gets scrubbed. If all this is supposed to make me (and my poor kids, and you, and your poor grandchildren) stronger, wiser or somehow better, I’m just pretty far from enlightenment about that. The alternative theory, that we choose our own life plan before we go into it, sounds even crueller. I think I might just lean towards a pretty darn random universe for now and go with that while there is no actual plan, there is an effect.

      My friend Eloise sent me this link. It’s impressive that there are 3 possibilities after trauma, not just 2.

    • Interesting.
      In the final analysis, the idea that dung happens and that we are all going to fade into oblivion sooner or later doesn’t really help. Ignoring all the specifics of various religions, the central ideas that provide some comfort are that souls or spirits or life-forces are indestructible and will continue in some form. and that with the evidence in the universe for progress and direction, they are going somewhere. Every event in the journey has significance in molding towards the objective.
      Sensibly, this is as far as one can take this line of conjecture at present. Makes sense to me, anyway.

    • I like the way you put it. Couldn’t have said it better without any wild horses to any direction. We don’t really know anything about it at all; most of what we imagine we know is really conjecture or belief. That includes the belief of atheism, which is really a dogma of the infallibility of human logic.

  2. Voltaire vs his creation Pangloss. ‘A priori’ vs ‘a posteriori’. Not a new argument, been going on for centuries. Will go on for countless more. Whatever the case, Iain was some bloke!

Your thoughts on this:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.