Culture of victim-blaming

“You should not have screamed.”

Right.  Because, when they shot him, they did so in cold blood, already mostly having left the premises, while the alarm was going.  Why could they not simply have left?  No:  They didn’t get their “loot”, and one spotted that he was unarmed, so he was shot.  Probably point-blank.  That was nothing but pure malice.  It had nothing to do with me having screamed and everything with their own decision.

If I had not screamed, they would have shot my daughter, point-blank.  She doesn’t doubt this for a second. The one who pointed a gun into her face, had cold, “dead” eyes that clearly indicated not a shred of humanity or mercy, and the strong likelihood of tripping on Nyaope – street drug made with a mix of poisons here.

In fact, had I not screamed, they’d probably had their violent little “party” with all of us – and in none of those imaginary scenarios can I see Iain surviving, as he would have attacked them the second he was aware of them.  And they would have shot him anyway.  And people would say to me – “you should have screamed”.  If I’d been around to tell the tale.  Which is unlikely, with these monsters.

Listen, victim-blamers:  My scream did not pull the trigger.

Saying I should not have screamed is like saying (as happens so often in court), the girl who was raped should have been wearing more “demure” clothing.  Excuse me?  Was it her clothing that raped her?  How are we living in a culture where even friends and relatives take the guilt of the criminal and place it on the shoulders of the victim for some or other little detail that might or might not have influenced the criminal’s decision?

Today we are holding Iain’s wake.  For his friends and most of his family (the more removed family) this is good closure and will be a final farewell.  After that they accept that he is gone.  For us, it is something we do to honour him and remember him; but nothing can ever bring closure and let us “move on”.  Our lives have altered irreversibly.  Even if the criminals were caught, drawn and quartered, this would only bring the satisfaction that they will never do it to another family.  Sadly that’s not the kind of country we live in.




4 thoughts on “Culture of victim-blaming

  1. Anyone thinking the sort of thoughts that put any of the blame on the victim in such circumstances is foolish. To voice them shows crass insensitivity as well.
    You and the family are constantly in our thoughts, and were particularly on 25th.

    • Thank you, Col. After the wake it is almost even heavier going as people have now said goodbye to him and his last party is over.

      You have recently been through it with your son-in-law. You know. :’-(

      Love and hugs to S, your daughter, and the littlies.

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