3 weeks

Hard to believe that 3 weeks have passed.  I must have been in a coma (and still am because nothing has changed).

I still can’t believe it, that they took him.


Why the hell did they have to shoot?  He was unarmed, he was a musician!  An entertainer!  Harmless.  Sweet.  Spreading joy and music and even teaching others the ability to do the same, for a living!  Who the hell would want to kill someone like that???


I can’t believe I took a wrong turn and walked into a different universe – one in which Iain is a spirit.  He is not gone.  I have not “lost” my forever love.  But not being able to give him a quick hug or make him a cuppa – that is slowly, surely driving me crazy.

Some days I just get aggressive with everyone.  Sometimes (several times a day) that blooming tsunami comes over and throws my boat upside down.  My daughter has bought me a “Delta Dawn” hat and black veil to wear on those days when I just don’t want anyone near – of course that 🙂 is not viable in public, but I know I will in the quiet of my home, once we have a place to stay.

Because that is the other thing.  We’ve been driven out of our home.  We’re hiding out with my parents, and everything has turned into a logistic nightmare.  Why?  Because both my daughter and I saw the thugs’ faces.  They want no witnesses, and of course, in South Africa, criminals don’t get caught and punished, they get human rights instead (the “right” to privacy:  Though it is technically possible to track them by their own cellphones and the ones they stole, the police “isn’t allowed to” act on such data).  One gets the impression that here, criminals get rewarded.  So clearly they are not behind bars.  Still roaming the streets terrorizing and murdering more families.  And waiting for us to return to that cursed house so they can try again.

What we need, is Shadow and his “Cheetaahs” (and I don’t mean the sports team).  Dammit that that is only fiction.



11 thoughts on “3 weeks

  1. I can not imagine losing someone that way! My wife passed in August and my brother in October but from disease not violence. The victims of murder are seldom thought to be the loved ones of the deceased. From very far away a prayer is going up for you and your family. May God fill your heart again and take away your fear. I pray there is peace for you and justice as well.

    • Thank you, Lolostrong. And much love and light for you in your time of loss! :’-( How tragic, to lose both your wife and your brother so soon after each other! What disease was it?

    • Thank you, Lolostrong. And may you also receive peace about losing your loved ones… it tears parts out of our hearts, we are not complete people anymore, but I hear from friends who’ve been through it that we learn to live with it. :’-( Much love and strength to you and thank you for the prayers!

  2. Incomprehensible. I am filled with sorrow on your behalf, and helpless rage at those callous vermin. I would love to stake the house out, with lots of firepower and a bad attitude.

    • The bad attitude is all mine, Col! We’re going for self-defense classes Federi-style, the moment that I can find when in my kids’ schedule I can actually fit it in. No fancy martial art for us, we need war craft, not art. And the house AND garden will be made safe, and I’m looking for a security company who can exert mob justice (because that seems to be the only real justice in South Africa).

    • We have a particularly effective security company, and a patrolling guard, and a Community Policing section (of which I am a member) who (unofficially) are prepared to become most proactive. We also have a WhatsApp hotline for all emergencies.

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