Josh, it makes me cry every time I read it.
You took what you felt was the best decision, and it went wrong. It is insane to pile the guilt on the heads of the parents who, after all, only took as informed a decision as they could. A lot of thought went into your home birth – nobody in a first world country opts for a home birth by default; it is always a very thoroughly considered choice.
We do the best we can for our children. So did you. Whether a baby dies in hospital from a medically bungled birth – like someone in my family: A calculation error by the nurse and 10x too much oxytocin used in an induction birth, which killed the baby and nearly the mother, too – or gets murdered by a vaccine – like little Ian Larson Gromowski – or dies from infection in our under-cleaned hospitals here (babies even get eaten by rats in some of these wards) – the parents, along with the baby, are the victims.
Well done for starting Epub Bud and kudos for raising awareness. I wish I had a way of making you see that it was not your fault!
No book ad today.
EDIT: P.s. You had a beautiful baby. His spirit lives forever. I hope you can believe like I do that he is near you and your wife.