The dreams inside of us

Someone I knew once said:  “The richest people on Earth are in the cemeteries. They died with their dreams still inside them.”

Cemetery-after-dark-21837770-417-288

I had a lot of dreams when I was 23.  Some of them came to be; my children are the realization of one of my dreams.

But there are other dreams that seem to disappear further down the tunnel to Neverland with every year that goes by.  And by now I discover I’m quite alone – not only alone with my dreams, but I can’t even share them anymore without people jumping down my throat for wanting to rattle the status quo.

When did I become other people’s comfort zone?  And is there no way out??

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20 thoughts on “The dreams inside of us

    • LOL I’m not that old :-D. I haven’t changed my dreams (those specific ones anyway), but I find that everyone is hooking their claws into me and stopping me from even wanting to dream them. You’re right, I can’t even share them anymore. (*image of graveyard*)

    • To begin with, some of them always were. But the ones that were actually congruent with those who matter… well they have settled into a comfort zone, and I’m part of the furniture of that comfort zone, it’s dependent on me keeping on doing what I’m doing right now (which is not bringing me any closer to those dreams they have written off). 😦 It’s “complicated”.

    • Isn’t it always complicated?
      And many of us are in the same boat, trust me.
      I think we need to gather ‘loyal troops’ where and when we can while still acknowledging the realities of certain aspects of day to day life.
      It’s a fine balance, but there’s every reason to believe it can be achieved
      with a bit of elbow grease and some old fashioned luck 🙂

    • Remember, you still have to take point in this platoon as that’s the job you signed on for. But even as a ordinary ”grunt” I’m prepared to wave a flag or carry a bag or two. Know what mean?

  1. People often think that when you share something with them that you expect a response – they feel they must react in some way, either by encouraging or discouraging you. They feel that you have asked their opinion when in fact all you wanted to do was share an idea. I know I have often been shocked at the vehemence of people’s reactions and surprised that they expected me to take their advice.

    Also, when I was teaching my kids to play the violin I was astounded and perplexed when I discovered that while people didn’t want to do all the work I did and really weren’t interested in doing what I was doing anyway (i.e., they couldn’t have cared less about their children playing the violin), THEY DIDN’T WANT ME TO DO IT. It was like I was a threat to them or made them feel like bad parents because I was doing something they weren’t. There I was happily pursuing a path and I got all kinds of opposition and unwanted advice and accusations. What a shock! Interestingly enough, now that my girls are grown up, everyone is telling me what a good mother I was. It’s the same thing with dreams – they don’t want your dream but they don’t want you to want it either. People feel a moral obligation to “bring you down to earth.”

    I guess my point is: don’t talk about your dreams (or share them), DO them. If you need to talk about them then find one or two people you know you can trust not to try to discount or judge you in any way. That may be a perfect stranger. Family and friends usually don’t want things (or you) to change or metamorphize at all which is why they react so badly they’re scared.

    Good luck to you! I don’t want to say that I hope you realize your dreams as what we dream about is not always what turns out to be best for us, but I hope that you will keep having them!

    • 🙂 Thanks for the lovely comment!

      It’s actually people who used to share these dreams who have settled down into a comfort zone. I used to be able to discuss them with them, but now… you know. Can’t even mention it. You’re absolutely right, dreams shouldn’t be talked about they should be pursued. It was painful to realize suddenly I’m alone, but all it means is that I need to regroup.

      Yes, absolutely, re music and also re writing. How is it that people who are not involved in what we do, always have the urge to “change” us, make us “grow up” and try to convert us from being carriers of culture into bean-counters? Unbelievable. I’ve had a lot of opportunity to mull about what culture actually means, and to some people – pretty much nothing. Amazing.

    • … and I had the privilege of being called less than an adult yesterday, for placing a high priority on editing someone’s fairytale (over an admin issue I couldn’t do anything about anyway). Yes. People are amazing.

  2. You know, you’re really not alone – there are lots of people out there in a similar situation. On the other hand, we are all profoundly alone in many ways. It just takes some getting used to. I think we just have to stop looking for validation from anyone else and just get on with it!!

    I get so annoyed when people don’t criticize what you do but what they think you are! How can any of us be so arrogant to assume that we are capable of judging someone else?! Our opinions of people often turn out to be wrong anywat. The reasons we make these jugements of others is to hit below the belt, hurt someone’s feelings, get the upper hand and above all win an argument. All rotten tactics. Whoever it was who called you childish, dump him or her (hope it’s not your husband!) None of us needs people around who don’t play fair. If you can’t get rid of them, learn to ignore them. My guiding principle is to deal with what people do and forget about value judgements on their characters and motivations. I don’t always get the same treatment but I have learned not to notice any more. Getting old is so cool!

    • 🙂 definitely not my husband.

      You’re so right, it was simply hitting below the belt. It turns out there are some people who have no higher priority than money. This person (the below-the-belt one) is one of them. Problem is, it’s a relative, so one is never rid of them. (I doubt other than relatives would ever have the audacity of making such a remark.)

  3. Yes they do. They may put it more politely, but they do. Also it’s bad enough that they only THINK it. And you do know what people think – you’re a violin teacher and your intuition is finely honed. People pay you to know what a student is thinking – otherwise how could you teach him? So whether it’s expressed or not, what’s bad is the actual judgement. It gets transmitted AND picked up (in your case especially) whether it’s spoken out loud or not. You have to become immune to negative vibrations. You can do it!!! Look at it this way: you hear hundreds of out of tune notes from your students every day but for some reason it doesn’t wreck your ear. Why? I don’t know but look at all the negative stuff as out of tune notes that must be corrected but mustn’t leave a lasting impression on you. Cheers!!

    • That is the best advice I’ve had yet! Thanks, Eloise. Out of tune notes. Indeed. And you’re right; the audacity of that judgement is right up there with telling a writer to her face, “oh I wish I had your kind of time”.

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