The Dragon Flies Tonight

Warning:  This is a disturbing post for those who know me online, or know me personally.  Proceed at own risk.

How did that thing go with “bubble, bubble, toil and trouble”?

You know how a dragon sheds its hide a few times in its life?  Oh – maybe that kind of lore isn’t common knowledge anymore.  Ok:  A dragon, like a snake, will shed its skin a few times in its life.  However, unlike a snake, it’s a bit unpredictable what will emerge from that old skin.  Rarely is it ever the same dragon.  It might change its character completely; or it might “hatch” or transform, emerging as a being of pure light or pure darkness or nothing pure at all; it might even turn into a human.

Well, my character seems to be “hatching” and transforming like that.  And it’s not pretty.  I’m not talking about a character I created in a story (though they also tend to undergo changes).  No,  I mean my me.  This is what is causing fatigue to the point of feeling drugged, confusion, narcolepsy, insomnia, and a host of other physical symptoms that will almost 100% certainly go away once transformation is complete.

I’ve had such transformations before so there is hope this won’t be the last one; but it’s a nasty one.  The dragon that is emerging from my previously more human character, is green, shiny and very selfish.  It is powerful; only just spreading its wings to see what the span can become.  And it looks at others and thinks,  “Do I give a damn?”

Did Aryn the Frostweaver ever ask if the world wanted eternal winter?

So the chances are, if I blog at all I might end up offending everybody.  I’m not going to ask you to bear with me.  The bear – that was me, and she’s shedding her skin and the dragon emerges.  I’m finished bearing.  Don’t bear with me.  Stand up to me.  Give me flack – don’t accept it when I shower you in arrogance.  It seems diplomacy is not part of the deal.   I’m calling on those who want to engage with me at all, to take up your sparring rods and spears.  Blood shall most probably flow, and it’s fair (hey, it seems the dragon does like fairness) if it’s yours and mine in equal volumes.

Oh, and while the old me is still around I would like to apologize to all who will miss me.  I don’t know if there’s a way back from Dragon Country.


17 thoughts on “The Dragon Flies Tonight

  1. Ah, the early forties! I went through this at your age. Hang in there. The nice thing about turning forty is that you discover that everything they ever told you, that everything you ever took for granted is wrong and you have to start over from scratch. It’s scary but you’ll come out the other side much wiser and a lot more fun. I think the psychologists call it a mid-life crisis but I think it is more like you describe it – a transformation from a known to who-knows-what. Good luck and remember to enjoy it!

    • 🙂 Actually, your advice was part of what set me free. Thanks. Yes, I can’t say I’m not enjoying this interesting move to freakish selfishness. 😀 You’re right, everything we’ve been conditioned to, that humble subservience (haha), the patience with our fellow human, etc etc, doesn’t make sense anymore. Let’s see where this dragon wants to fly.

    • LOL Ark, you must be one of the few who has already encountered the dragon before. And survived. Well done.

      I think, a complete shape-change. Nothing surgical, though drugs might be involved (like things to calm me down so I can at least sleep a little, sometimes…).

      My grandmother went through her entire adulthood on four hours or less of sleep per night. She was also quite a “dragon” personality, strong and tough, a Berlin bombing survivor who had to restart from scratch three times. I hope I have inherited more than the scales from her.

  2. Definitely disturbing. Think you intended that – if you didn’t find a/nother therapist! Came over because you liked mt blogmy blog – thanks – this is an interesting bit of cyberspace books and violins etc

    • 🙂 Yes it was quite intentional… and there shall be more! I just feel like letting the dragon out. Done the nice thing too long, it’s time for nasty… muah hah hah!

    • Thanks for the compliment, btw. If I liked your blog but did not comment, it’s part of the same show – usually I’m an irrepressible commentator but these days often I just don’t know what to say. But it still means I liked what I read. I don’t go around “liking” blogs at random (that’s for Facebook 😀 ).

    • Me too about ‘likes’. The hardest thing abut challenging status quo is that we are in it and do not see it – takes a lot of gosh who me?

  3. It isn’t selfishness, it’s self-preservation. Up till now you have probably been a really good girl and done whatever you did because you were supposed to, including having your mid-life crisis right on time. From now on (after your transformation) whatever you do will come from you and because you feel – no, you KNOW – it’s the right thing to do, no matter what society thinks. (Actually you won’t even notice what society thinks anymore, much less care.) But you have to know yourself before you can do genuine and important things for others. This doesn’t mean that you become perfect, just perfectly YOU. And don’t judge yourself, especially by other people’s (impossible-to-maintain) standards. In fact, don’t judge yourself at all – just take a good look at everything you do, not what you are. I think the biggest thing to recognize is the difference between character and personality. We confuse them all the time. Your personality is the most superficial part of you and many people identify with it and think they ARE that. Not so. You as a music teacher and musician know this – what you express and how you express when you play often has nothing to do with what you’re “really like” in the everyday world. A timid personality may be completely different when playing, for example. We musicians are who we are when we are playing (or, in my case, when I am teaching). What you are actually doing is shedding your personality and allowing your character to come out. From now on you will use your personality as the tool it really is to achieve whatever your real self decides to do. Your personality will try to get in the way of this. Hold on tight! My personality puts really horrible thoughts into my head sometimes. I just laugh and remember that I AM NOT THAT and go back to whatever I was doing or thinking.This all may sound odd, but it works for me. It’s part of what I have learned in the over 20 years since I was your age. Good luck, my dear, and keep me posted. Literally.

    • Lol, thanks Eloise, you must be one of the best things to come along for me right now! Firing me up in my misbehaviour! Bring on the Merlot! And btw Marie, you’re invited too.

Your thoughts on this:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s